The Merchant of Death is Dead! Or, Is He?
In 1888, a local French newspaper changed the course of history for centuries to come.
Following the death of Ludvig Nobel, a small-town French newspaper mistakenly published an obituary for the still living brother, Alfred Nobel. The obituary was titled The Merchant of Death is Dead. Still reeling from his brother's passing, Alfred had to endure the additional agony and embarrassment of seeing his own passing through the lens of his community, as a greedy, immoral, and destructive man driven solely by profit.
His response was nothing short of transformative.
Nobel decided to make a change – establishing The Nobel Prize, an award celebrating significant advances in physics, chemistry, physiology or medicine, literature, and peace.
In The Power of Regret, Daniel Pink (I love me some Daniel Pink) tells his story — and explains the power of remorse and how you, too, can use it to turn your life around.
As a part of his writing, Pink compiled a list of over 126,000 regrets from people worldwide. He found that, despite location, time, and content, almost all regrets could be broken up into four main categories.
Foundational Regrets - Missed opportunities earlier in life, usually brought on by a lack of work or other poor decision-making, such as: I should have saved. I should have studied harder.
Boldness Regrets - Not taking the chance, as in: I should have started a business. I should have asked that person out.
Moral Regrets - Poor/selfish decisions like: I shouldn't have lied. I shouldn't have cheated on that test.
Connection Regrets - Failure to reach out, for example: I should have told Mom I loved her. I should have been kinder to my partner/spouse.
What is we looked at the same four categories through the lens of a music educator?
Foundational Regrets - I should have studied harder and practiced more. My pedagogy or instructional skills are lacking because of decisions I made at 19.
Boldness Regrets - I should have applied for that job, or performed at that conference, but I let self-doubt and fear keep me from taking a risk.
Moral Regrets - I shouldn't have lied to my students or administrator. I tell my students to own their mistakes, and I didn't own mine.
Connection Regrets - I let the performance demands get in the way of the people demands. I missed opportunities to make a meaningful impact on my students because I was focused on a concert or contest.
Pink goes on to analyze the two different responses people typically have when dealing with regret - it either paralyzes you, or it spurs you into action. He further breaks them down into:
Unproductive regret, one that paralyzes us. All we do is wallow in our misery and imagine how things could have been different.
Productive regret, one that catalyzes us. This happens when we accept our regret, reflect on it, and use it as a springboard for change.
No doubt that as you read this, you are inventorying your own regrets and trying to decide if they are productive or unproductive. I imagine, if you are like most people, there are some of both – times in which you seized the opportunity to grow, and other times when you shrugged it off, and buried it deep inside.
If I am being honest, in my past, I see it as a mixed bag. I can clearly identify where I succeeded and failed in all areas.
Foundation – Yes, I should have studied harder and practiced more; however, I also overcame many obstacles and was one of the few who persevered to graduate.
Boldness – I am nothing if not bold, and can point to many a chance I took. I can also point to some risks that were foolish and unproductive.
Moral - Along the way, there were shortcuts taken - and a lack of judgment shown, but I grew and learned and stand taller today because of them.
Connections – I would like to believe that my impact on my students was significant, but I know that there were some that I missed.
Regret is a universal emotion. It's a part of the human experience, and it's something we all grapple with. The depth and breadth of it vary from person to person, but you can't do this job without regret. There are too many decisions to be made, situations to be addressed, and people to impact not to have both regrets and reasons to celebrate.
Regardless of whether they are regrets or reasons, it's how we use them as fuel and rationale for better decision-making moving forward.
Alfred Nobel proved that regret can be a powerful motivator for change. His legacy will forever be cemented in the things he did right more than the things he did wrong.
I am not perfect. None of us is. Like you, I have plenty of regrets, but after much analysis, I refuse to be stuck with paralysis. So, I will use it as fuel to be better.
BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE! (See what I did there?)
Hope you enjoyed this. Have a great week.
Scott