FINDING SUCCESS & CHASING HONESTLY
Happy April Fools Day! Let me spin you a story of when I was a fool. Trust me, there are lots of examples, but I will limit it to one for today.
If you were to travel back a few years and find me at 22 in Easy Los Angeles and ask me what success looked like, I might have said: playing great literature at a high level, a thriving program, and maybe leading a department. The kind of career that looked solid, impressive, and secure was one I could be proud of.
What would you have said at 22?
Fast-forward to 30 (eight years later) in Tempe, Arizona, and ask me the same question. I might have said: relevance, the ability to stand shoulder to shoulder with the very best, and learn what they know, so I can become what they are.
What would you have said at 30?
Jump back in your time machine and fast-forward another eight years to my home office (a desk in a spare bedroom and starting my own business), and ask me the same question once again. I might answer: perform at the country's premier marching, concert, and jazz events - learn from the country's best educators.
What would you have said at 38?
Over the 16 years, it seems that my definition of success was evolving and changing- shifting from survival to relevance - seemingly growing my aspirations in lock step with the development of my skills.
But that would be wrong.
Like many of you, I didn't know what I truly wanted or what I was capable of. So, instead of asking myself, I just regurgitated what I was told I wanted. Kind of a lie!
To be clear, I didn't lie about WHAT I wanted. I lied about KNOWING it, and believing I had what it took to get there.
At 22, I told myself what others told me I should want, based on my training - play good music, get good scores at contest. At 30, having found some of that (by accident, perhaps), I took the next logical step: relevance on a scale bigger than my classroom. At 38, not knowing what the leap outside would look like, I jumped into another part of the music education landscape - perhaps not because that was what I wanted - I just knew I wanted something different.
What about you? Do you know what YOU want? Do you ever feel like you want something different? Different position, school, age level, or location?
Scott Clary, an author, podcaster, and blogger says, "Chasing what you think you want is not evolution. It's chasing honesty."
Many of us have been there. We start fresh out of school, chasing the same things: Mahler, Grainger, and Holst. Superior ratings, all-state musicians, and standing ovations. We don't yet fully know what we want, so we borrow someone else's definition. It's safe. It's measurable. It makes sense and is tangible
As we mature, we build towards these seemingly self-evident objectives. We take on everything. We say yes to every concert, every extra responsibility, every expectation. We pack our schedule and tie our identity to the success of our ensembles.
But as we delve deeper into the search for success, we often fail to ask, "What does success look like FOR ME?"
Questioning our definition of success means questioning everything we've been taught and everything we have built. It means giving up proving ourselves in favor of questioning ourselves. Without an answer to this question, we are stuck in a never-ending loop of needing approval and asking, "What's next?"
Somewhere along the journey, you've likely felt it. That quiet voice underneath everything: this isn't it. It's not completely me. I want something different and unique to me. I want to achieve what I want, where I want, and how I want.
That's not chasing success, that's chasing honesty.
This job is hard, not just because of the physical, mental, emotional, and musical requirements, but because it is all lived in the public eye.
In some way, admitting that you want something different than musical and competitive success is akin to the head football coach saying that their win/loss record is not what's most important. True? Absolutely.
Unpopular, DOUBLE absolutely!
Scott Clary would say that when you have that feeling of not knowing what you want, "We're just finally being honest about what was always there, but didn't feel like we're allowed to choose yet."
So we pay the tax. Years of chasing something we think we want, to prove we can chase what we REALLY want – as if we need permission to chase our dreams.
We don't need to prove ourselves to others to be worthy.
We don't need adjudicators to validate us as music educators.
We don't need administrators to explain our worth to the community.
We don't need parents to tell us we have made a difference.
We just need permission.
Permission to believe in ourselves fully.
Permission to break the mold unapologetically.
Permission to shape the program based on our individual kids.
Permission to be the educator WE want to be.
So, what do you actually want?
Not what looks good. Not what everyone else is chasing. Not what makes sense on paper. What do you want your days to feel like when you walk into your classroom? What gets you excited and puts a smile on your face?
According to Scott Clary, that answer has probably been there longer than you think. Quiet, clear, easy to ignore. So I say, let's stop ignoring and start asking.
What do I want in my fifties? Space from judgment. Time to think. And the freedom to say yes and no when I want.
I think I have been chasing that all my life. I just didn't know it.
What are you chasing? I would love to know.
Have a great week.
Scott
p.s. Don't get fooled today!